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  • Writer's pictureDr Dara Seebaran Suite

Don't Tell My Husband! : Should people keep their cosmetic procedures a secret?

Updated: Jan 6, 2019

"I've told my husband that I'm going to the dentist...."

"My boyfriend would hate it if I told him where I am..."

"I can't pay with my credit card, because my partner will check the statement.."

"Please no bruising because I don't want my work collegues to know.."

"I only do this when my husband is out of the country..."

"Please don't contact me... I don't want my boyfriend to read the texts"

Clients make statements like these to me every day. On house visits,  I sometimes feel like a CIA agent on a stealth mission. Get in and get out without being seen. 

But I'm not surprised. Surveys have shown that over 70% of women keep their cosmetic treatments a secret from their partners. This clandestine behaviour has me thinking: should we really be keeping our cosmetic procedures a secret?

The Celebrity Factor

How many of us have seen horrible pictures of celebrities that have gone too far? Too much filler, too much Botox, too much money and not enough sense.

For a lot of men, watching these salacious pictures is their only experience of cosmetic procedures.  They have a genuine fear that once their wives or girlfriends start having even the mildest of treatments, they will end up looking like Pete Burns.  To avoid any marital discord, women just keep it to themselves. 

I Woke Up Like This 

There is a school of thought that says a woman's beauty regimen should be kept private. If all her tricks were revealed then she would loose her allure and attractiveness. This is an offshoot from the old concept of feminine charm. 

This is the same psychology at play when we want to say "I just woke up like this".  How blessed are we with good genes?  

Furthermore how many men really want to know the nitty-gritty of their spouse's beauty routines?

Money Matters

Botox is not cheap. Nor should you want it to be, but that's another discussion entirely. Some people feel guilty spending their disposable income on luxury treatment and don't want to be judged as frivioulous or vain.

If you are using money from a joint account for your body beautification, you may find yourself in a tricky position if the other account holder doesn't know or agree with the use of that money. Flip it on its head, would you want someone spending hundreds of pounds of "shared income" on clothing or haircuts... AND they didn't tell you? I don't think so.

The simplest way around this is to have an upfront discussion and reach explicit agreement with your partner. Alternatively, use money that is yours alone and not from a joint account. The latter is my preference.

Modern Feminism

In the 21st century do woman still have to ask their husband's for permison to alter their appearance? Do we need their approval to change hair colour, get our eyebrows threaded or get a tattoo?

Cosmetic procedures are not very different. It's your body, and you have a right to alter it as you see fit. Hiding this part of your beauty regime because you don't want their disapproval feeds into the idea that your body is their property... are we really going back there?

Safety First 

Most non-surgical cosmetic procedures are safe. There are a few risks with Botox and filler, but these occur less than 1% of the time.

However, God forbid if something did happen and you kept vital information from your medical practitioner because you didn't want your partner to know.

Friendly Fire

Hiding your beauty treatment from friends can actually be a very unfriendly thing to do. Imagine if your friend was able to get rid of pesky wrinkles, get fuller lips or the perfect nose. Now imagine you having the same issues, and when you ask for her help, she lies to you. Would she still be a friend?

At the end of the day it remains everyone's personal decision to reveal their beauty secrets. Overall I think it's more healthy if your partner or spouse knows about any procedures you undergo. But to be clear, I would NEVER disclose if any client of mine has had treatment. At least my lips remained sealed. 

If any of the issues mentioned has struck a cord, leave a comment below. Lets get a discussion going!

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